journal

One day I would like not to live in pain, but just have an average kind of day where I’m not hurt by the disease within me, or should I say diseases. There’s so many now, I’ve lost count.

Diseases in my body, diseases in my mind. I know that they’re not linked, yet I feel it unfair, sometimes, to not have the opportunity to have just one thing wrong with me.

I would like to wake up and not have to medicate myself just to be able to smile, answer the phone, or function as a normal human being.

I would like to feel part of this world, instead of fighting every day.

I would like to see the good in everything, instead of the bad.

I would like to not have to push through. Sometimes I wish I could just be without the struggle.

People look to Christmas with hope, with love, with excitement. I look to it as just another thing I need to get through.

This is how I’m feeling today. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll feel different. Or maybe the same. Regardless, though, I’ll trudge through.

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